And the Award Goes to ...

Enneagram Threes!

I have said it many times before, certain Enneagram numbers get a bad reputation and EVERY Enneagram number finds itself trapped in certain cultural norms that make it feel impossible to change.

The Enneagram Three is one of those numbers. They take a beating for the way they can see a direct path to success and look good doing it, and they find big success in that way of living life, so, why stop?

I guess the real question is, what is success and can we assign a value to it - is it good/bad/other? Maybe you've heard the quote by Maya Angelou,

"Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it."

I think the real differentiator between an Enneagram Three that is trapped by norms and an Enneagram Three living their best life is found in the first part of that quote: success is liking yourself. Lots of people like, or at least, don't dislike, what they do. Lots of people can even feel some measure of satisfaction in their day-to-day job performance. But I think there are very few people that wake up every morning, look at themselves in the mirror and say with full confidence, "I like myself."

At the heart of every number is a deep-seated fear and insecurity that what is on the outside doesn't match what is on the inside or possibly that what is on the inside will leak out for all to see. For Enneagram Threes, this fear is connected to a deep need to prove that they are good enough, smart enough, anything-enough to prove to you that they are worthy of your love and attention. This fear has become so entrenched that it feels difficult to remember who they really are without the projected "enough-ness" they have worked so hard to create.

Enneagram Threes are attributed with the passion of "self-deceit" - an ability to project whatever needs to be seen in order to gain connection and relationship. But don't we all practice "self-deceit" in some way? Don't we all project something at some point that doesn't match how we really feel or think? This isn't simply telling lies or exaggerating truth, self-deceit is convincing ourselves we need to do, say or be something to be loved that doesn't line up with the little voice inside that says "that's not exactly what I think."

I think we all fear people seeing the real, unfiltered versions of ourselves that we have carefully hidden or forgotten inside. Every number is protecting something, either something they've been told isn't allowed in public, or something they have decided isn't safe out in the world. The goal isn't to do some type of shock therapy to force our insecurities out into the open. I think the only goal that will have any staying power is found in the quote above, "liking yourself."

Liking yourself is allowing all of the parts of yourself to be who they need to be and not forcing them to change for anybody. Liking yourself is allowing insecurities to show when it is safe for them to show. Liking yourself is being gentle as you explore what works for you and what doesn't. Liking yourself is trying something, looking at how it went and deciding if you want to try again.

Enneagram Threes show us the way in the virtue of "truthfulness." Truthfulness isn't spilling everything on the inside-out. Truthfulness is honouring the needs of every part of you and not shifting them to fit the person, place or thing that is in front of you. Truthfulness is breathing in and honouring what is on your heart and mind in the moment you notice it.

And so, for the Enneagram Three in all of us, repeat after me:

I like myself, I like what I do and I like how I do it. I can acknowledge my strengths and challenges and appreciate all the ways that I am working to align my inner and outer worlds. I choose to like myself just as I am and continue seeking truthfulness and presence because who I really am deserves to be seen.