I Feel Ya ... Let's Look at Emotions

On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable are you with emotions?

I would put myself somewhere in the middle. I am more comfortable with some emotions over others and quite honestly, don't always notice when emotions are attempting to make themselves known.

Today we are looking at Enneagram Fours which have become known to be the "feelers" among us. It seems to me that of all the numbers, the Enneagram Four is one of the numbers that is most prone to be boxed in and ironically is the most adverse to boxes of any kind! Why is this?

Prejudice

I think the simple truth is that a lot of us struggle to feel comfortable with emotions and feelings. We feel embarrassed if they happen at the "wrong" time, we hide them when they touch on something too vulnerable or in some cases we blaze right through them because there just isn't time to stop and examine what's underneath.

After learning about the Enneagram Centres of Intelligence (Body, Heart and Mind) and their associate Dominant Emotions (Anger, Sadness and Fear) I have come to realize that some of us are simply out of practice at feeling - it's not a priority and it doesn't come naturally. Add on top of those tendencies, decades and likely centuries of socializing around who is allowed to feel what.

Enneagram Fours deal in feelings. They see the world and all of its emotions and grapple with how to move along when the ebbs and flows they experience can often feel so extreme. Feeling is a crucial component to the human experience. In fact, if we look at the idea of three centres of intelligence, it would imply, that when balanced, a third of our life experience is view through our feelings. In my opinion, I think the issue happens with what we count our feelings as more acceptable based on our own experience with emotions.

Honesty

Let's get down to the core of the matter. I am starting to believe that the majority of our misunderstandings as humans comes down to a matter of feelings - too many, too few, too big, too small, too valued, too ignored ... and everything in-between.

I think this is another space for my favourite thing, "the third way." Feelings aren't a matter of who is right or wrong, whose feelings should be valued or who should "move on." Feelings give us information on the person, the situation and can create a connection to what is going on in the moment. "The Third Way" isn't forcing feelings out or hiding them, "the third way" is getting curious and seeing what else is going on.

For some Enneagram Fours, feelings can have a life of their own, taking over and occupying space long after they should have vacated. Enneagram Fours need to get curious about why they feel they need to hold onto their feelings so tightly - what feels like it is going to be lost if you let go?

For those of us that are trying to live life without acknowledging our feelings, we need to get curious about what we are avoiding? We need to start noticing those little moments and widen the scope of what else is happening at the time.

Let it all out!

It has taken me years to develop a sense of my feelings and with it a wider vocabulary to what is actually going on. If it is true that a third of who we are deals in feelings, how could we not put in the time to get to know that beautiful third of us?

So to the Enneagram Four in all of us:

Today, I embrace the unique tapestry of my being, woven with threads of intelligence of body, heart and mind. I choose to see my feelings through a curious and compassionate lens. With each step forward, I embrace who I am, and continue to learn to love the way I see the world.