Harmony: Understanding Enneagram 9's at Work

Enneagram 9's often come across as friendly and kind but believe me, there is a lot more going on under the surface.

It is important to remember that, similar to Enneagram 8's, Enneagram 9's (and all body types) are incredibly adverse to control. The difference will be found in how they resist. While 8's will speak up when they feel controlled, 9's will put the breaks on internally and you may not even notice.

Getting to know the 9's in your life can help others see the ways they are saying "no" before that hidden stubbornness stops the action in its tracks.

All Sides

Enneagram 9's very naturally see the different perspectives of everyone in the room. As with every aspect we discuss in the Enneagram, there are two sides to this characteristic.

On the one hand, the ability to see another's perspective is a gift to any workplace. 9's are often incredibly thoughtful and compassionate as though they can personally understand what each person is going through.

On the other hand, many 9's use this skill to avoid looking at things in their own inner world. It has become so easy to see things through someone else's eyes that it often feels easier than diving into their own thoughts and perspectives. We often refer to 9's as having "fallen asleep" to their own perspective. They aren't the only numbers to have adopted this survival strategy, in fact, we all do this to some extent, but 9's are so practiced at it that they aren't always aware they're doing it.

Ultimately it is the role of each individual to wake up and bring their true self into every space they inhabit, but as a friend and co-worker to a 9, one of the biggest gifts you can give them is to remember them. The simple act of asking a second time or taking time to understand what they might be thinking or feeling in a circumstance will make significant inroads with the 9's in your life.

I feel compelled to add one more point to this section on "all sides." 9's are usually pretty good at seeing things from another person's perspective ... but it is still only THEIR VIEW on what they see. In other words, 9's often feel they really understand what another person is going through but they are still only seeing things from inside their own body and CANNOT truly put themselves in another person's shoes. So 9's, take the pressure off of yourself to interpret and understand every person's thoughts, feelings and vibe, and wait for them to explain to you what is actually going on.

Saying "No"

If you do a simple search for characteristics of Enneagram 9's you will come across the phrase "easy-going" over and over again. It's time for the truth: 9's aren't easy-going. Whether or not you can sense it, inside a 9's head are all kinds of comments, concerns, thoughts and responses that they keep to themselves to maintain peace and calm on the outside. They may be nodding their head, but have a full argument ready to explode on the inside.

When a 9 says "maybe" ... it means "no."

When a 9 says, "interesting" ... it means "I don't agree."

When a 9 say, "I'll check" ... it means "I don't want to."

An Enneagram 9 should probably win some type of award for most creative ways to wiggle out of a definitive answer. This doesn't mean they can't give you a definitive answer but when you sense a 9 trying to respond but not being able to be decisive, it is likely a case of, "how I want to respond might make you unhappy with me."

This is the piece of the puzzle many Enneagram teachers refer to as "conflict avoidance." Enneagram 9's are so sensitive to any disruption, discomfort, disconnection or disagreement that it freezes them in place and they struggle to get their definitive, and most honest, answer, out.

I am a 9. I can tell you that even a pause in a text conversation feels a lot like conflict to me. I can tell myself it isn't but something inside me panics. My growth path is to learn to breathe through it, to allow moments of discomfort to come and go like everything else.

Let's Work Together

There is no perfect solution to putting nine different personalities in a room and telling them to work together. The ONLY way to get a bit better at it is to start to understand what is behind different behaviours and actions.

Enneagram 9's teach us that every person's perspective is significant and valuable. We need them. But they also don't want to do that work alone. My wish for anyone working with a 9 is to remind them how much you care about their perspective, to take time to understand and to ask a second time when you need a real answer from them. There is no quick list of tips that can be offered to get around the fact that each person needs to be heard and understood just as they are.