Danger Ahead: What is the Enneagram really?

How it starts:

Lots of people like the Enneagram. They like the memes and the funny videos. They say things like, "you are such a seven!" and laugh about the way that comment somehow tells us something about someone's decision making priorities. In some ways, it can almost become a bit of a party trick, the "one" is busy keeping things organized and clean, the "four" is in charge of the playlist, the "seven" has already left for their next party and the "nine" is trapped in a corner with an awkward relative because they would feel bad moving on.

Some people go a bit deeper, they use the Enneagram in hiring at their organization or they ask friends and family to complete an online test. I was there too, when I found the Enneagram I couldn't believe how well it described my inner world and I was desperate to talk to anyone and everyone about it. I think this is the level where people starting fearing "the box" they will be put into if they own up to their number, or even worse, if they keep denying the number - "you must be an enneagram _!"

What is more dangerous than someone with no information? Someone with just enough information to touch on sensitive subject matters without knowing it ...

I completely understand people's fear around the Enneagram. With little or no information of this powerful system, it can be a terrifying and deeply wounding experience in relationships and communities. A quick assessment, a pointed finger and an assumption of someone's deepest thoughts only leads to miscommunication and frustration.

This doesn't even begin to touch on the many, many ways we have been socialized in North America to believe that characteristics of different Enneagram numbers are more and less acceptable leading us to believe that we are either a "good number or a bad number." Not to mention the gender stereotypes we have grown up believing creating yet another layer of distance from our true selves.

And let's address one more layer ...

Not only are we demonizing certain numbers for their natural bent and genuine contribution to our society but we also praise certain numbers for the qualities we have decided matter most. I have been praised and labeled "easy-going" my whole life. It has benefited me in innumerable ways in both my work and personal life. No one can get angry with the person who doesn't have a preference, "It doesn't matter to me, whatever you want!"

My "easy-goingness" is actually the skill I have acquired to keep people happy. So when I am praised for being easy-going, I am being praised for the version of myself I feel I need to keep in place to stay safe in my relationships. So if I ever even thought about shifting that part of me, I am fighting against both my natural reaction to EVERYTHING but also the feeling of dissappointing the people who like and praise my "easy-goingness." Why would I ever change?

So, is the Enneagram good or bad?

I think the Enneagram just IS. I have come to realize it is powerful. I believe that is why we see such strong reactions on either side. Something with significant influence will always have an opposing side. I know enough to know it can help and it can hurt. I know enough to know it can transform and it can divide. Is it a system? Is it a personality test? Is it a theory on human behaviour? Is it all of the above?

I am not so worried about whether you like or dislike the Enneagram. I think I have seen enough of the misuse of the Enneagram to see why people stay away. What I wish is for you to take one more look, one more, very neutral, look at a good description of the numbers. If the Enneagram is what it promises, an explaination of human motivation and behaviour, it could be an answer to the questions we are all looking for: who am I and why am I here?

What if you already ARE in a box, and the Enneagram can help you see how to get out?